Day 5. Things I want to say to an ex

It took a long time for me to get over the hurt and anger you caused me. I still don't know if you ever actually loved me or cared for me, or if you were just dating me out of pity. What I do know is that you were right when you told me there was a double standard. I wasn't allowing you to be yourself. I look back now at every bitchy comment I made, every time I judged you for just being you, chastised you whenever you acted goofy all because I was embarrassed. I wish I hadn't been that way because I know it hurt you. I can see that now and I wish I had been able to see it then. But I'm glad to say that I've learned from those mistakes I made. I'm with S. now and he's like you in many ways. He's goofy and sometimes he dances in a way that brings whole new meaning to "white and nerdy." But I love him and all those "unusual" things he does. He tells me that his favorite thing about me is that I let him be his true self. But I don't know if I'd be like that if I hadn't screwed up with you. I don't know if you and I might still have been together today and that used to break my heart. But while I will always love you, I wouldn't trade what I have with S. for anything else. I hope that you have someone who loves and cares for you as much as he does for me. And whether you're still in training or you're actually fighting now, I hope that you're safe and happy.